Gifts for Philosophy Lovers Who Have Already Read Everything

The best gifts for philosophy lovers match their particular school of thought and give them something to argue about. Philosophy people are notoriously hard to shop for: they've read the book, they own the Socrates mug, and they will question the premise of the gift before they've finished unwrapping it. So don't aim for "philosophy" in general. Figure out what kind of philosopher you're dealing with, and shop for that.

We've sorted this guide by type. Each one gets a shirt from us (we make our philosophy shirts for exactly these people), a book, an object that makes the same point, and a free idea.

The books and objects below link to Amazon, and we earn a small commission if you buy through them. The shirts are ours.

Gifts for philosophy lovers, by type

The non-dualist

Signs: says "there's no separate self" at parties; has tried to explain it to you twice.

• Shirt: You Do Not Exist, the purest statement of their position we know.
• Book: Douglas Harding, On Having No Head (opens in a new tab) (1961). A short, odd, practical classic built on noticing you can't see your own head. They may own it already; if so, they'll want a second copy to lend out.
• Object: a hand mirror (opens in a new tab). One of Harding's favorite demonstrations: look in a mirror, and the face is over there, behind the glass. Where you are, he'd say, there's no face at all, just room for the view.
• Free: ask them to explain non-duality in one sentence. Then ask who explained it. (Our version is here, in more than one sentence.)

The existentialist

Signs: talks about freedom and responsibility with alarming intensity; chooses coffee like it's a moral act.

• Shirt: You're a Verb. Sartre's slogan "existence precedes essence" means you aren't born with a fixed nature; you make yourself by what you do. A verb, in other words.
• Book: Jean-Paul Sartre, Existentialism Is a Humanism (opens in a new tab) (1946). A short lecture, readable in an afternoon, and the clearest statement of the position.
• Object: a French press (opens in a new tab). Someone who chooses coffee like it's a moral act deserves the equipment. The existentialists famously did their arguing in Paris cafés; this lets them do it at home, with full responsibility for the strength.
• Free: a decision you let them make, with full responsibility. They'll love it and agonize about it.

The absurdist

Signs: cheerful about meaninglessness; has a Sisyphus reference ready for any job.

• Shirt: There Is Nobody Here, deadpan enough to satisfy a Camus fan.
• Book: Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus (opens in a new tab) (1942), whose title essay ends with the famous line that "one must imagine Sisyphus happy." If they've read it, they'll want to tell you about it. Let them.
• Object: a Newton's cradle (opens in a new tab). The steel balls swing out, come back and swing out again, until someone makes them stop. Sisyphus with better acoustics.
• Free: help with a pointless task, wholeheartedly. That's absurdism in practice. (Our three-way comparison explains why.)

The one who says "define your terms"

Signs: analytic training; interrupts sentences to ask what you mean by "mean."

• Shirt: You Spend All Day Talking to Yourself About Yourself. They'll object that the claim is empirically unsupported. Then they'll wear it.
• Book: René Descartes, Discourse on the Method (opens in a new tab) (1637), source of "I think, therefore I am," because every argument with this person eventually comes back to it.
• Object: a beeswax candle (opens in a new tab). In his later Meditations (1641), Descartes takes a piece of wax fresh from the hive, holds it to the fire until every sensory quality changes, and asks how he knows it's still the same wax. Light the candle and they can rerun the experiment. They will.
• Free: a really well-defined question. Write one down and hand it over. They'll be delighted for a week.

The Buddhist-curious

Signs: reads about mindfulness, worries about doing it right, has strong opinions about cushions.

• Shirt: There Is Nobody Here, our nod to the teaching of no-self, explained properly in our post on anatta.
• Book: Alan Watts, The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are (opens in a new tab) (1966). Not strictly Buddhist, but a charming, accessible argument that the separate self is a social habit rather than a fact.
• Object: a zafu (opens in a new tab), the round cushion used for Zen sitting. They have strong opinions about cushions. Now they can have one.
• Free: sit with them for ten minutes without talking. No app, no timer voice. Just sit.

The Stoic

Signs: quotes Marcus Aurelius before breakfast; calm in traffic in a way that's slightly unsettling.

• Shirt: You Spend All Day Talking to Yourself About Yourself, because the most famous Stoic book is literally a man talking to himself. Marcus Aurelius wrote his Meditations as private notes that, scholars generally agree, were never meant for publication.
• Book: if they somehow don't own Meditations, Gregory Hays's plain-spoken translation (opens in a new tab). If they do, a different translation; Stoics love comparing translations.
• Object: an hourglass (opens in a new tab). Marcus reminds himself again and again that life is short and time is passing. Thirty minutes of sand on the desk makes the same point without the Greek.
• Free: a mildly inconvenient situation they can practice equanimity on. A slow line, say. Don't tell them it's a gift.

The practical bits

Our shirts, tanks and totes are printed to order in the US, so allow 4 to 12 business days in all, and US shipping is free on orders of $40 or more. If it's for a holiday, order with a couple of weeks to spare. Philosophers can wait, but they'll write about it.

The Department of Non-Existence tried to approve this guide, but its in-house philosopher disputed the definition of "gift." The meeting is ongoing.

What to write in the card

Philosophy people will read the card closely, so keep it short and give it a little bite. A few that work:

• "Existence precedes this gift."
• "I thought about this a lot. Please don't ask me to define 'a lot.'"
• "Happy birthday to someone who has questioned the concept of birthdays."
• "This gift has no inherent meaning. You're welcome to give it one."

What not to get a philosophy lover

• A generic "Think Deep Thoughts" anything. They'll ask what makes a thought deep. You'll lose.
• A bust of a philosopher they disagree with. You don't know which ones those are. Neither do they, until it arrives.
• A book they've definitely read. If it has "Introduction to" in the title, they've read it, taught it, or rejected it.

The short version

Match the gift to the philosopher. Pair a shirt with a real idea behind it, a book they can argue with and an object that makes the same point, then add something free that gives them time to think. If you're still stuck, the gifts for nihilists guide covers the darker end of the department.

Sources

• Cover art: Gérard Edelinck, Pierre de Montarsis (1692), Art Institute of Chicago, CC0
• Existentialism Is a Humanism (Wikipedia)
• The Myth of Sisyphus (Wikipedia)
• Douglas Harding (Wikipedia)
• Cogito, ergo sum (Wikipedia)
• Wax argument (Wikipedia)
• Les Deux Magots (Wikipedia), on Sartre, Beauvoir and Camus as regulars