Filed under: Gifts for No One
Gifts for Nihilists That Mean Absolutely Nothing (Affectionately)
The best gift for a nihilist admits it means nothing and is nice anyway. Four gift sets (a shirt, a book and one pointless object each), plus free ideas for the friend who believes in nothing.
5 min readCase No. 000-324
As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases.
The best gifts for nihilists admit they mean nothing and are nice anyway. A nihilist doesn't believe life has built-in meaning or value, but that doesn't make them immune to a good T-shirt, a book they can argue with or an afternoon of your company. What they can't stand is a gift that pretends to be profound. Skip the "Live, Laugh, Love" sign. Go for something dry, honest and quietly funny.
We happen to make several of those, so we've built four gift sets around them: a shirt, a book and one gloriously pointless object each. We'll also give you options that cost nothing, because a nihilist will respect you more for it.
The books and objects below link to Amazon, and we earn a small commission if you buy through them. The shirts are ours.
The quick list
| For the nihilist who... | Shirt | Book | Object |
|---|---|---|---|
| wants to say it out loud | You Do Not Exist | Fathers and Sons (opens in a new tab) | a useless box (opens in a new tab) |
| is past the dark phase | There Is Nobody Here | Tao Te Ching (opens in a new tab) | the Pet Rock (opens in a new tab) |
| overthinks everything | You Spend All Day Talking to Yourself About Yourself | The Gay Science (opens in a new tab) | a Magic 8 Ball (opens in a new tab) |
| secretly likes being alive | You're a Verb | The Myth of Sisyphus (opens in a new tab) | a snake plant (opens in a new tab) |
For free: a nice rock, an empty notebook labeled "Plans," or an afternoon with no agenda (details below).
Gift sets for nihilists, by flavor
The one who wants to say it out loud
Shirt: You Do Not Exist. Our original design and the most direct statement we make. It reads as a threat to strangers and a joke to anyone who's read a little philosophy. It comes as heavy cotton and tri-blend tees, a racerback tank and a tote, the last of which is the most nihilist object we sell: a bag for carrying things that don't matter.
Book: Ivan Turgenev, Fathers and Sons (opens in a new tab) (1862). The novel that made "nihilist" a household word, through a young man named Bazarov who proudly believes in nothing. Your nihilist will either see themselves or be offended. Both are good outcomes.
Object: a useless box (opens in a new tab). A small box with a switch. Flip it on, and a little arm comes out and switches it off again. That's all it does. The idea is usually credited to Marvin Minsky, as a graduate student at Bell Labs in 1952, and Claude Shannon built one for his desk. A nihilist will consider it the most honest machine ever made.
The one who's past the dark phase
Shirt: There Is Nobody Here. For the nihilist who has calmed down a bit and now finds the void more funny than frightening. It's technically a Buddhist idea (no-self) rather than a nihilist one, but nihilists tend to like it because it agrees with them while being much more relaxed about it.
Book: Ursula K. Le Guin, Lao Tzu: Tao Te Ching (opens in a new tab). Le Guin's English version of the old Taoist classic, which includes the famous passage about a clay pot being useful because of the empty space inside it. For someone who has made peace with emptiness, it reads like a compliment.
Object: the Pet Rock (opens in a new tab). The 1975 fad from the advertising executive Gary Dahl, back on sale. It has no needs, no opinions and no inner life, which makes it the ideal companion for someone wearing a shirt that says there's nobody here.
The one who overthinks everything
Shirt: You Spend All Day Talking to Yourself About Yourself. For the nihilist who insists nothing matters and then spends four hours thinking about a text message. Everyone knows one. Some of us are one.
Book: Friedrich Nietzsche, The Gay Science (opens in a new tab) (1882), in Walter Kaufmann's translation. The source of "God is dead," which most people quote and fewer people read. Nietzsche was diagnosing nihilism, not prescribing it. The book also contains his thought experiment about a demon who asks whether you'd live your exact life again, over and over, every detail included. Your overthinker will need about a week with that one.
Object: a Magic 8 Ball (opens in a new tab). For outsourcing decisions to a plastic oracle that doesn't care. It has twenty answers, and five of them are some version of "ask again later," which is also how most nihilists answer questions.
The one who secretly likes being alive
Shirt: You're a Verb. For the nihilist who has quietly drifted into optimistic nihilism and is enjoying life more than they'll admit. It's the warmest of the four and the least likely to start an argument at dinner.
Book: Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus (opens in a new tab) (1942). For the nihilist ready to graduate to absurdism. Camus concludes that "one must imagine Sisyphus happy," and it's hard to stay gloomy after that. We wrote up the difference between nihilism, existentialism and absurdism if you need the elevator pitch.
Object: a snake plant (opens in a new tab). Something that grows for no reason and is pleasant anyway. Snake plants are famously hard to kill, which suits someone who has accepted that nothing lasts but would rather it didn't happen on their watch.
Our shirts are printed to order in the US, so allow 4 to 12 business days, and shipping is free on US orders of $40 or more. If you're shopping for the holidays, give it a couple of weeks of slack. The universe won't, but we'll try.
Gifts for nihilists that cost nothing
These are genuinely good, and a nihilist will appreciate that you didn't overthink it (even if you did).
- A nice rock. Find a good one. Hand it over without explanation. It has no meaning. It's a great rock.
- An empty notebook labeled "Plans." Funny on day one, useful by day three.
- An afternoon with no agenda. No destination, no itinerary, nothing to accomplish. Just walk somewhere together and see what happens. For a nihilist, this is basically a spa day.
- A cutting from your own houseplant. Put it in a jar of water. It will grow without being asked, which is very on-message.
- A card that says "This means nothing. Happy birthday." Sign it. Mean it.
The Department of Non-Existence reminds gift-givers that a gift for a nihilist cannot be wrong, since nothing can be wrong. This is not legal advice.
How to give a gift to a nihilist
Presentation matters, even to someone who claims nothing does. A few tips:
- Don't over-explain it. A nihilist will enjoy working out the joke.
- Lean into the deadpan. "I got you this. It means nothing." is the correct card.
- Skip the grand gesture. Elaborate wrapping and a speech will read as trying too hard. A plain bag is fine. A plain tote bag is better.
What not to get a nihilist
- Motivational wall art. Anything with "everything happens for a reason" will be used as a coaster.
- A gratitude journal. Unless it's ironic. Even then, risky.
- Anything described as "for your journey." They're not on one. That's the whole point.
The short version
A good gift for a nihilist is honest, a little funny and doesn't take itself seriously. Browse everything we make, pick the design that fits their particular flavor of meaninglessness, add the matching book and the pointless object, and maybe throw in the rock. If they're actually more of an optimist about all this, our explainer on optimistic nihilism makes a good companion read.
Sources
Questions
What do you get a nihilist for a gift?
Something honest about meaning nothing and pleasant anyway: a philosophy shirt or tote with a dry sense of humor, a good book they'll argue with, a pointless object like a useless box, or time spent together with no agenda.
Will a nihilist even want a gift?
Most do. Nihilism says nothing has built-in meaning, not that nothing is enjoyable. A gift that doesn't pretend to be profound usually lands well.
Does YDNE sell the books and objects in this guide?
No. We make shirts, tanks and totes. The books and objects link to Amazon, and as an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases.
How long do YDNE orders take?
Everything is printed to order in the US, so allow 4 to 12 business days in all. Shipping is free on US orders of $40 or more.
